One can have all kinds of sex dreams.
In your dreams, you might have sex with people you wouldn’t consider in real life. Multiple partners may show up. The dreams could feature people of the same sex, homeless people, powerful people, strangers, children, machines, objects, anyone, and anything.
In dreams, after all, anything is possible.
Events in a dream aren’t meant to be taken literally—they’re figurative. We understand now that Freud was only partially right when he posited that they were reflective of subconscious desires. That might be true sometimes, but not all the time.
The bigger question is, what does the sex dream mean?
We often use the word “dreams” to indicate something we wish would happen.
That’s also not always true. A nightmare is also a dream, and if some of those sex dream scenarios came true, that’s exactly what it would be.
Sex dreams and the sex drive
The No. 1 reason to try to understand your sex dream is that, like any dream about any topic, it’s an excellent way to understand yourself.
Physical attraction is represented by the sex drive. It’s needed for reproduction and the good things that come from relationships. Lust, however, is often expressed as a weakness. It’s a passion that must be put into perspective to have a good life. So many people have greatly complicated their lives by making mistakes related to lust.
Only by understanding these dreams can you put them into their proper context.
The sex drive is powerful. You can use it for good; at the same time, it can destroy your life.
Understanding yourself can make you more certain about who you are and what you believe. When you do that, you’re confident. Confidence is a positive state, and words like “dithering” and “unsure” have negative connotations.
Sex is a significant component of self-identity
The topics surrounding sex are major in life. Sex is at the bottom of the pyramid on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. That means it’s considered to be a basic need.
At the midpoint of the pyramid is sexual intimacy. That’s still pretty basic, but less basic than something like food, air, water, and various forms of security.
Sex forms part of what constitutes the core of who we are. Sex influences money and the formation of a family. It influences friendships, jobs, children, self-identity, and much more.
It’s easy to make a case that unlocking the meaning of any sex dream is important.
Sex dreams are a big deal—respect them
The tendency can be to laugh them off. Your instinct may want to trivialize them. That is to dismiss their relevancy with a statement like Oh, I was feeling a bit horny.
Or, I’m just naughty like that.
Or, I’ve been watching too much porn.
Maybe, I have too much of one hormone or another.
Decisions surrounding sex are something you want to get right.
The dream doesn’t reflect reality. Dreaming of homosexual sex doesn’t make you homosexual, for example.
Sex can be ridden with guilt like anything else you do. The purpose of guilt is often to help us recognize when we could have made a better choice.
Guilt, at the very least, indicates a lesson to be learned.
The father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, gained insight into someone by trying to understand their stage of sexual development.
It makes sense to have insight from your dreams on dream themes related to sex. You’re better off understanding why you feel the way you do about certain things. By understanding the root of the feeling, you can change it if it is beneficial. You can also support and strengthen it if it seems good to do so.
All that being said…
There are five keys to unlocking the meaning of your sex dream
1. The other person or people in your sex dream is a symbol
Understand what that person symbolizes to your subconscious by considering what the other person means. Upon reflection, a dream about a particular person can mean nothing more than you’re interested in partners with a specific hair color or something trivial like that. It’s not always about a person; it might just be what that type of person represents to you. Only you can honestly know. Everything has to be considered in the context of the dream itself.
The meaning of your sex dream may not even have anything to do with sex. Dream interpretation can help you solve 16 different types of problems. Your subconscious could be communicating by analogy.
If you’ve never said more than ten words to someone in real life, it’s hard to say you know them. What you do have, however, is a series of assumptions that you’ve made about them based on their physical appearance and how they said those ten words. If you’re dreaming about them, then they are a symbol of some other feeling or idea. To understand the meaning of the sex dream, you’ll need to unlock the meaning of what the person (or people) means to you.
2. Realize your sex dream won’t affect the real world by itself.
The two aren’t related. You can’t (reliably) dream something into existence, and you have to take steps to achieve it or make it a reality in the real world.
Dreams are a place for your imagination and communication with your subconscious mind. A good vision is a springboard for success.
If you have a profound dream about someone that doesn’t necessarily have any bearing on your waking life beyond giving you hints about how you should approach a situation or some understanding about it.
3. Acknowledge the dream, understand it, then move on
Obsession is the name of a perfume. Women’s magazines have run more than one article discussing how to become a man’s obsession. Obsession, in those senses, is a win.
But not really.
Being overly attached to anything so much that you can’t get it out of your mind because you can’t think of anything else is a bad idea. If you have a themed sex dream or an episodic sex dream, try to figure out why.
If you are obsessed with someone, and they appear in your dreams, you need to understand why. What do they represent? What’s the meaning behind your obsession? Write about it in your journal, and then move on.
When you love, love people you know and who love you back.
4. Sex dreams shouldn’t be a competition.
There are skills involved in meeting, marrying, and mating. Starting a conversation is a skill. Dressing well is a skill. Getting a feel for social protocol is a skill. Websites, magazines, television shows, and websites that disseminate this knowledge can be useful sources of information. They go wrong when they turn fantasies into a contest and ask what fantasy is the wildest or most elaborate?
Sex dreams should be about understanding others, yourself, and the world around you. Other things make for better and safer contests. Dreams are usually communication from your subconscious for most people most of the time. Since sex makes up a big part of what it means to be human, they’re inevitable.
Keep fantasies in their place. They should never be something all-consuming.
5. Sex dreams are a starting point
They should never be a destination or an endpoint. Reality matters. They’re the start of knowing yourself better. They can start you off by meeting someone in real life. They can be a warning or a promise. They can be a sweet memory. Sometimes people want to make them into something more than they are; other times, they don’t make enough of them.
Balance this emotional part of yourself with the logical part. Use the sex dream as you would another dream to consider what makes sense with what your heart truly wants, what God wants for you, and to help you grow in understanding of others and the world.
For further reading:
What’s the simple truth about a needs-centered dream?
Why you need to play every day
Planning your life for sleep success
Should you watch porn for sleep?
What’s the best way for a Christian to interpret his or her dreams?
James Cobb RN, MSN, is an emergency department nurse and the founder of the Dream Recovery System. His goal is to provide his readers with simple, actionable ways to improve their health and maximize their quality of life.
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